Cancer - The
Battle We Didn't Choose
my wife's fight with breast
cancer
Hi, My name is Eugéne Mulder from Nelspruit, Mpumalanga, South Africa. And I would like to share my story with who ever might be interested in OUR incredible journey with cancer.
I
met Karin Nel in the winter of June - July 1998. I will never forget this
awesome day when I drove thru from Nelspruit where she stayed on a farm outside
of Hendrina, Mpumalanga, South Africa with her parents. As to meet her for the 1st time.
At
the time I was residing in Nelspruit since 1985.
Prior
to this I was a divorcee from a previous marriage. I was not interested in a
serious relationship as I did not trust as to my experience with my past. Now!
How this unfolded before we met. I went to my dentist in Nelspruit whereby the
receptionist asked me about my wife and kids and how they are doing?
Unfortunately
I had to say that we were no longer married. And after some discussion she
asked me if I was interested in meeting somebody? Whereby I replied, no thank
you as I would not be interested. She however was persistent and handed me a
folded piece of paper and said if I was interested I could call her.
I
was very uncomfortable and took the piece of paper and stuck it in my trousers pocket and upset walked out and
left back for work.
Whereby
I was coached as to set free my past and start living and believing in victory
in Jesus.
I
started praying for my future wife to be that God will keep her safe and protect
her and Bless her for when we meet that she will be the one, He will bring along
my path.
I
prayed over a period of ten months, every morning and every evening that God will
protect my future wife to be. The one morning again I prayed and after Blessing
my future wife to be. I prayed by saying God please protect “Karin”... I was so
stunned in my words in my prayer that I did not even finish my prayer.
After
that day I started praying for “Karin” that whoever, where ever she might be
that God will protect her and Bless her with His divine Grace.
As
I got back to work and that afternoon, as I always have lip-ice in my pocket.
Reached into my pocket and found this piece of paper. Took it out and upset
again with the gesture. Opened it up and there it was jotted down “Karin” with
a cell phone number. WOW...! What a revelation struck me that here is the name
of the person that I have been praying now for so long. I was so out of it that
I could not come to term to the vastness of my prayer and here was the name of
the person I prayed for so long.
I
eventually scraped the courage together as to phone this Karin on the piece of
paper.
As
I needed to know and curious as to who she is and where and all these emotions
and thinking that was going thru my mind.
And
then I phoned and this angel voice answered the phone on the other side: Hallo,
Karin wat praat! In Afrikaans. And introduced myself and as to the reason I was
phoning and how I got her number. And so we started chatting over the phone.
And this was eventually more regular and after a few months I asked her if we
could meet? And she agreed and said I could come visit her on her parents farm
in Hendrina as to where she stayed. And drove thru on my off weekend in either
June or July of 1998 and did I go to her work place where she worked. And what
an amazing site greeted my eyes of this dark brown hair and hazel brown eyes
and most beautiful smile that only an angel could smile. The moment we met I
just knew in my heart that this is the one woman for me.
We
started seeing one another more frequent and really stared to take a liking in
each other and I then after a while saw her at least once a month driving thru
to Hendrina on my long weekends off and she would come down to Nelspruit at
least once a month.
Our
relationship developed so well in this time and I eventually asked her to be my
girl. As we would say when we were children “Die kys gevra”
And
she said YES....! What a glorious day, I was happy again and so in love with
Karin and was so comfortable with her and this is was where I belonged.
After
knowing Karin for nearly 5 years we eventually decided on a wedding date and
got married on the 8th November of 2003. Whereby our lives started
together as one.
I
was so blessed with Karin being in my life and having her as my wife.
In
2008 Karin fell ill at home with extreme stomach pains the one Sunday evening
and I was so worried and did not know what to do and did Karin phone her aunt
to come to our house and help her. The aunt came and gave her some medication
and the extreme pains were subsiding and eventually gone.
It
then again happened at her work place and she called me and I went to pick her
up and took her to hospital casualties whereby the doctor did a sonar and said
that she has gall stones.
He
admitted her to hospital and gave her medication as to reduce the pain and
eventually a few days later they removed her gall bladder. Karin was discharged
a few days later.
Karin
kept on complaining that she did not feel well. And she kept taking her
antibiotics as prescribed and just did not get any better.
Karin
was in the bath the one evening and I said to her that your color was not
looking good and that you were extremely yellow in color. The following day I took Karin back to the
doctor and wanted to see him. His receptionist was very unwilling to co-operate
and I demanded that we see the doctor immediately. The sister told us that
Karin had yellow fever. And she needed to go home and rest and take some time
sitting in the sun.
I
was furious and then the doctor immediately had Karin admitted into hospital
again and did a scan and found that the tube was leaking gall into her intestines.
He
did put her on strong medication and a few days later was discharged to go see
a specialist in Pretoria.
When
we saw the specialist he saw what was wrong and did put a plastic stent into
the tube upon where she stayed overnight and to be observed. The following day
she was discharged and had to follow up in 12 months time again.
September
2009. We went back to Pretoria and was the plastic stent not a success.
He
immediately requested from the medical aid that a stainless steel stent to be
approved and reconstruction to be done at the tube as to allow it to properly
grow and heal. Upon doing this he requested we see him again a year later to
follow up on her progress.
September
2010 we went back as to do the follow up on her progress and to hear the good
news that the stent was removed and that the procedure was a success and that
the tube healed up completely. We were so thank full to God for the past 3years
that Karin was 100% and could now live a normal life again.
In
October 2010 Karin the one Sunday evening told me that she felt a small lump in
her left breast and had a slight burning sensation. And she asked me to feel it
and could feel a small little lump. I asked her to phone the doctor on the
Monday and got an appointment the Wednesday. I unfortunately could not go with
Karin as I was area manager for a company and was my time so restricted. The
Friday Karin was scheduled for a biopsy. And yet again I could not make it as I
was in Pretoria for an area managers meeting.
Karin
then was scheduled after the biopsy to have the glands removed and possibly
removing the cancer surgically. I could not even make it on time in being there
for her at this time as I was so caught up in my work. Whereby her parents came
down to be there for her. How a looser I felt as I could not be there for my
wife in this time.
10
October 2010 We were asked by Karin’s doctor to see an oncologist and by
appointment we saw the doctor and he broke the news that Karin had H – triple
negative breast cancer.
We
were not even get time to get to terms with this horrific news we just received
as our world collapsed in million pieces. I then told the doctor that Karin did
not have cancer “WE have cancer”
The
doctor then explained what H – triple negative cancer was and drew a few
pictures explaining but we did not take notice at all.
The
doctor asked us if we wanted to see a Councillor. He went out for a reason and
returned by saying that there is a Psychiatrist that we can see and we could go
talk to her.
We
agreed and did so. I was so dumb struck hit by lightning that I felt numb in my
face and body as if this is not happening to Karin and me...
The
emotions that ran like a lightning bolt thru me. And the questions the possible
answers. It felt my life has just stopped! Here is the woman I love more than
life itself and I know God gave me for a reason. But what reason was this in
getting your whole world torn from beneath you!
Karin
was just sitting and staring in front of her and with no emotion on her face as
if she was a mannequin, staring into nothing... Towards NOTHING...
I
remember taking her hand, saying that we will work thru this no matter what.
And saying specifically to her: You do not have cancer, WE have cancer...
We
went into the Psychiatrist office and sat down. She asked Karin how she felt on
the news we just received? Karin started crying and could not remember much of
her conversation with the lady. I sat there in my own world of unknown emotions
and feelings that were dumped on me and I did not know how to handle the bad
news we had just received. Here is Karin, my wife, friend and confidant, lover.
My whole world and this is happening to “US”. Happening to “HER”. Happening to
“me”.
Words
fell short in how to express what is going thru you at that moment. And not
even thinking for a second what Karin must be feeling. And she is not thinking
what I must be feeling? As she is so caught up in the devastating news received.
Eventually
the Psychiatrist turned to me and asked me how I feel and think?
I
shook my head and said: I don’t know how I must feel or what I must think?
And
I uttered a sound and words that haunted me for a long, long time after that.
And I said to the lady: I don’t want this? I don’t need this? I do not know how
to handle this?
And
I remember saying the following that did hurt Karin so much and we discussed it
so frequently. By saying this I made a gesture with my hands by showing “Time
out”
I want
out!!! Karin started crying fiercely and hurt and disappointed in my answer and
not expecting I would say this at all... Here is her husband, the love of her
life saying he wants out. I only imagined later what devastation these words
had on her.
The
Psychiatrist said to me that I need to pick up my car keys, cell phone and go
home.
Pack
my bags and leave and never come back to Karin as she does not need this. She
needs to focus on her illness and the treatment that will be next.
I
stood up and said to her that she does not have the right to say that to me. I
do not even know what to do, think or feel at that moment but you are telling
me that I should leave Karin now and go?
Then
I said to Karin that we should leave and go home. After leaving their offices I
could not remember much what happened in the days that followed. Except the
thought of Karin being diagnose with breast cancer and how to deal with it.
The
month before in September I was promoted to area manager with the company I
worked for and had to deal with the new responsibility at work and proving
myself to be fit for the position and also to be there for Karin. I just could
not handle what was coming my way at all. I usually take a stand and make
decisions on my feet. But here I was confronted with my dearest loving wife’s
cancer and my new job?
We
did not talk much as we were both so caught up in our thoughts and emotions. I
cried so much and did not want to cry in front of Karin in upsetting her. I
eventually did what I knew best at the time in hiding away in my new job and
being so busy and my time was not mine as I now belonged to the company and my
time was theirs and I had no say in it.
In
the process I found a hiding place in my work as to keep so busy to not think
about Karin’s cancer and making time to discuss with her how she feels and what
she thinks. I so neglected Karin in the following year that I missed being
there for her. I was there for us but not there for her in this time. I had an
excuse to being busy and not making time to work thru my emotional breakdown
and not even considering my wife. Doing all this not on purpose but with a
place where I could hide and not confront the real issue at hand in front of
me.
Thinking
about this after the time that has gone and she being not here today. I feel so
that I neglected her in this specific time. Yes I sure did...! However I had to
deal with this as well and did not know how to...? I asked questions and got no
answers...
Karin
was scheduled for her 1st chemo and did I go in with her at the
Oncologist offices and as we waited to see the doctor we were confronted with
our own thoughts and mixed emotions on what would this new journey have in
store for us...
I
went with Karin when we were called in by the sister of the practice and said
to me that I had to go and wait in the waiting area. I then did so and as to my
surprise Karin was then taken to a room where all other patients would get
chemo. And as I wanted to walk in I was refused by the sister and said that I
was not allowed to sit with Karin.
I
was so disappointed in this and left back to work as where I was working for
the day in Nelspruit.
Eventually
Karin called me and said that she was done and that I could come pick her up.
On our way home she discussed with me the new chemo that was given to her and
that she cried so much as she said that by December 2010 that her hair would
start falling out.
I
dropped Karin off at home and had lunch with her and we were so quiet in what
went thru our minds and tried to make sense of what was happening and what was
possibly going to happen. As she had the most beautiful short hair and always
so loved to run my hands thru it when we were sitting together when watching TV
or just being together.
The
Christmas holidays came up and did she want to be with her parents as they were
to be on holiday and she decided to go spend time with them. As we prior to
this had an arrangement as this was my parents and children’s Christmas in us
being together.
And
ended up in a huge fight that we were so upset with one another that she went
her way and I went my way. In retrospect was a good thing in being apart as to
work thru what was happening to us. However we should of been ALONE together
and spent time talking and discussing what we were both going thru. Instead we
spent time apart and trying to forget what was happening to us. During the days
to come we phoned one another every day and she the one morning phoned me and
was crying so much and she told me that her hair fell out so much and she could
not handle it. And I apologized to her for not being there with her as I wanted
to be there. And cried with her over the phone...
I
came back from my parents and on my way back Karin phoned me that her uncle was
sick in hospital and that I needed to come quick. I was not far away from home
and I met Karin at the hospital of whereby we went home as to prepare food for
the evening. As we got home the phone rang and her uncle then passed away the
24 of December after a long illness of MS.
We
then spent Christmas day at home with her parents and on the 27th
December her aunt passed away on cancer. And this was a huge shock to Karin as
I remember holding her tight and she said to me: Mulder, is this what is
awaiting me when I will come to that point as to where I can no more...? I held
her so tight and remember we both cried so much and I tried comforting her and
tried to be strong for her as we did not know at all what was to be our
journey... I said to her that we need to be where God wants us, close to him
and where we can be humble and whatever His plan might be for us that we need
to be ready and be prepared. I have never cried so much in my life before for
my wife and could not cry in front of her as I needed to be strong for her and she
need not see me breaking down and not being able to be in control of myself. As
needed to be strong for her...
The
following months to come we were just coping with the every third week chemo of
a two week rest and was so impressed with Karin as she was so strong and had no
other side effects at all from the chemo. And at one afternoon when I dropped
her off after chemo and had lunch together and left back for work.
After
an hour I phoned her up and asked how she was doing and how she felt?
She
told me that she feels so good that she was busy mowing the lawn...
I
asked her what? And she replied again that she was mowing the lawn... And we
both started laughing and was so amazed by God helping her thru this period of
no side effects at all... And we praised Him for His Devine Grace and what He
is doing for Karin.
Karin
finished her chemo in about the month of June 2011 and then after 3 weeks
started with radiation for 5 weeks, every day at 08:00 in the mornings at
radiation at the hospital.
During
this time Karin started getting like sunburn on her radiated area and
eventually started getting small open wounds on her breast. As he showed me
this and she spoke to the oncologist and he gave her some ointment used for
people with (ambeie) and she started using this with plasters.
She
complained to the radiation staff that the open wounds were not closing up at
all and they eventually were so concerned about it and then spoke to the
oncologist and on his turn said to Karin that he will prescribe a antibiotic and
she will be better.
This
did not improve at all. And after complaining again she spoke to the doctor
again and then again gave her some more antibiotics and told her she must not
complain and as I’m the doctor and knows what should be done and she must go
home and rest.
She
was upset about this as she could by then not wear a bra anymore as this was
shaving the wounds and opening up more and bleeding nonstop. During this time
her breast became so hardened that if she would touch it with her hand, her finger
imprints would stay on the skin as if dented.
She
finished radiation on my birthday in August 2011 and she eventually had to make
use of bandages around her breasts as to keep the wounds dry from sweat as this
seemed to worsen the wounds. As she was employed at a financial institution,
she had to go see customers far away from home with her department head. And
the driving vast distances did not do the wounds well at all.
In
September 2011 I lost my job as area manager with my employer as my contract
with them was terminated as to new structures and way forward of the business.
And
yet again our world fell apart as we needed the income and Karin not needing
stress on her as to the circumstances and bills not to be paid.
I
remember driving back from Johannesburg and phoning Karin as she was in North West as to
see customers there and in telling her what had happened to me. And I was
crying so much as I felt I failed her again... And she said I must not worry
about anything as God will sort us out and He does have a purpose for things
happening to us. And here she was being strong for me... That evening when she
came home I had a supper prepared for us and awaiting her arrival. As she came
home very late that night at home and tired. We briefly spoke about what happened
to my work and hoe it will effect us.
She
just smiled and said to me that all will work out for the better and we will
work thru this as we go on.
Things
changed over night for us in our marriage and relationship with one another as
I no longer had the stress of branches, budgets and staff problems. And now had
time to spend with my beloved wife and making up lost time stolen from us... We
were in LOVE again as if we met the 1st time. Only this time were
already married and we had the most amazing time as husband and wife and were
so were happy regardless the illness and me without a job.
Our
relationship got new meaning to us as a couple and we spent as much time as we
could together in appreciating one another and just loving and enjoying what
marriage offered us. We were so in heaven with one another...
We
were so in love and happy and all we ever wanted to be for one another...
In
October 2011 we went to CANSA as we were so unhappy about the radiation wounds
and we just did not know who to turn to for help as the wound were just getting
bigger and bigger and out of control.
CANSA
had a look at the wounds and were so shocked to see these wound in such a
state.
The
immediately sent us to the 1st doctor that did the biopsy and
removed the 7-8 glands from Karin’s breast with the 1st operation.
(Pg.2)
On
seeing him he was so shocked as to what he saw. And was so disappointed and
bashed on his table and said: Where the @#$ must I now get skin to repair this
damage that was done to the breast?
He
referred us back to the oncologist on whereby we saw the doctor for the 3rd
time after insisting we get an appointment?
He
then made an appointment to have a PET scan done in Pretoria the following
week. And we did go for the scan and awaited nearly two weeks for the doctor to
phone us back and give us the results.
Upon
this we saw the surgeon again and he phoned the oncologist and said he would phone
Karin and discuss the finding on the P.E.T. scan done on her.
The
doctor phoned Karin the following day and said to her that she was clean of any
cancer.
We
were so happy and jumped and praised God for what he has done for Karin and in beating
the cancer...
We
then made an appointment with the surgeon as to discuss we wanted a second
opinion as we were not happy with the way things were going as to the past
history. And requested him to withdraw the file form the oncologist and send it
to the new oncologist we requested to go see ASAP. As whereby he made
arrangements for us to go see the new oncologist.
And
we made an appointment as to go see asap.
He
then also phoned up a plastic surgeon and went to go see him even the same day.
Upon arrival he took photos and discussed with us options on how he could
possibly help us.
We
went to the new oncologist and we discussed our journey with her and she
listened as we were so unhappy as how things were going with Karin’s treatment
and after we were done. She took out the report and discussed with us that the
PET scan did show cancer under the other arm and behind the chest bone and
close to her heart...
She
turned the report around and she showed us what was in it...
We
could not believe our ears and YET AGAIN had such bad news and felt again as
our world was falling apart in a million pieces...
This
roller coaster of bad Vs. Good news was just getting to much for both of us to
handle.
We
both broke down and cried so much and I held Karin’s hand and did not have any
word at all to comfort her at all... I was bleeding from the inside and could
not even imagine on how Karin must have felt at that moment... My inner man was
screaming so loud inside me in disappointment...
Karin
was so devastated by the news and she was so broken up and could not think for
a second what she was going thru. I only looked at her face with my eyes filled
with tears at her facial expression and thinking back, I still cannot make out
her disappointment or hurt or anger she must of felt. This ocean of emotions
filling her up as if in a midst of this storm being beaten and thrown against
the rocks and trying to breath and make sense of all that was happening at that
very moment...
After
discussions between the doctors they decided that Karin had to undergo a
mastectomy as to try and give her a chance on regaining perspective and
starting a new battle among'st the biggest battle she have been facing and as a
couple to how deal with all this.
Karin
was scheduled for the operation on the 14th November 2011 a day
before her birthday on the 15th.
We
were concerned as Karin went into theater with a slight cough as she picked up
a slight flu. However the operation was scheduled and had to take place.
She
was moved into theater that afternoon at about 16:00 and came out of theater at
10:30 that evening.
We
did not see any doctors until the next morning whereby they eventually did
their rounds and spoke to us and said that it was a difficult procedure and
discussed to what they did.
As
when they removed the breast they also took muscle from her back and replanted
that where the breast would be and did the plastic surgeon also implanted a
prostheses as whereby they would start inflating it over time as to stretch the
muscle and to eventually do reconstruction of her breast.
Her
brother and kids and parents were also there at the time of the procedure and
did her brother arrange a cake and balloons as to make her birthday worth her
wile. And this was so special.
In
this recovery time in hospital as I was not present the one morning, as I
started to casual at a business in Nelspruit over weekends. And the Friday the
18th November 2011 the oncologist saw Karin and her brother in the
ward and gave Karin the news that she was terminal ill and gave her 2-5 years
to live...
The
weekend went by and did Karin not tell me anything about what the doctor told
her.
After
the weekend when her family all left back home. The one evening the following
week at home Karin told me that she did not how to tell me the following news
as she did not know as to how I would react and take it. She then told me what
the oncologist told her about the diagnose and that she was now terminal ill...
And
yet again our world fell apart in billions of pieces... I cried and cried and
cried so much that evening... I cried for her taking this news all on her own
with her brother and she having the strength under the current recovering
process as to keep it quiet until we were alone at home and to discuss it with
me...
Wow...!
What an awesome experience that was...
Early
in January we started with new chemo with the new oncologist. And did the chemo
the 1st 2 sessions go well and did the cancer count come down by
small margins and then Karin started coughing a lot and was the doctor very
concerned about this. We had x-rays done on her chest and lungs and did they
pick up that Karin had a lot of small blood clots in her lungs. And as time
went on the coughing became more and she started collecting fluids in her lungs
and was admitted in hospital with difficult breathing and did one of the
doctors do a drainage directly into the lungs in theater and was such a lot of
fluids drained with a lot of blood in it. This was a time that Karin had so
much pain and started using morphine and wafarin medication to thin the blood
and to possibly over time dissolve the blood clots in her lungs.
She finished the 1st set of chemo
and did the cancer not respond to the chemo and worsened. As the wounds started
re appearing on the radiation skin that was under the new transplanted skin. We
tried from emu oil to what ever ointment we could find and tried everything
possible and found that certain ointments just did not work and others that
would make a difference within days.
We
came across a Professor in nature medication in Johannesburg that had such fantastic
results with cancer patients that we made an appointment to go see him and when
he saw Karin he said that there were problems with her pancreas and liver and
thus the cancer. He gave her some medication and Karin started taking this.
However she felt that this was not working and stopped with the medication as
it did not improve anything for her.
We
then started a new chemo in pill form Xeloba if I can remember correct. She was
on this for a long time. Maybe eight months and did the cancer count come down but
very slow. And then Karin started getting side effects of the chemo in vomiting,
sleepless, not eating and started losing weight drastically. Her skin started
discoloring and her feet became so sore at stages that she could not walk at
times and even warm water would burn her feet.
I
started a prayer group “Karin Mulder Bidgroep” for her on facebook and on
Blackberry messenger as well as on whatsapp. As to inform family, friends and
colleges of Karin where she worked. As I was on the phone the whole day and
people being upset with me in not letting them know what is happening and going
on with Karin’s journey.
I
started a fasting for her every Friday and would such a lot of people
participate in this as we did not even know half of them. Church groups all
over the country had special prayer meetings for Karin and did this mean so
much to us.
I
administered the groups as to let everybody know how Karin was doing and when
certain things took place as when she would go for blood tests and new chemo or
landed in hospital due to her lungs that kept on filling up with fluids.
I
eventually removed myself from the phone groups as people were harassing me in
not giving thru enough info and I got fed up as I did have to give feedback to
people and they not even phoning in to ask how Karin was doing.
Karin
periodically landed up in hospital with her lungs being filled up with fluids
and had to every time go into theater for drainage to be put in and this was
the most excruciating pain that Karin ever experienced in the time she was ill.
She eventually told the doctor that she refused to have the procedure done as
this was hurting her so much and that she would cry when the doctor suggested
it.
Karin
landed up in hospital again in November 2012 with her lungs and eventually
spent 14 – 18 days in trying to get her lungs drained and her system on par as
her reserves were so depleted by the chemo. Karin was also coughing to such an
extend that she would vomit "fhlem" and any food she would eat would not stay in.
She lost such a lot of weight and was so weak of malnutrition.
Karin’s oncologist went on leave and did
another doctor from Bloemfontein relieve in this time. And the one day the
doctor called for me via her staff and requested she needed to see me. As I
went to her offices my parents in law also joined in and she told us that
Karin’s condition was very bad and that we need to be ready for ever happens.
As
I left the doctors rooms I started crying as well as my parents in law and did
I hug them and they went in a prayer room to support one another. And I went to
Karin and sat down and she asked me what the doctor told me?
Being
my wife I told her what the doctor said. And went to go sit with her on the bed
and held her tight and cried with her.
At
a stage a family member came to visit and saw the x-rays on the trolley as
where there was a document of describing Karin’s lung finding by the
radiologist and phoned up the family in telling them that they need to come see
Karin as she would not last the night.
That
evening late a lot of family came from all over as to come see Karin. And found
them that they were very distant towards me and did not know why?
Someone
went to go buy food for everybody and the called me as to come eat with them.
Then they took me on as to why I told Karin what the doctor said...
I
could not believe what I heard and said to them it was my duty towards my wife
as to tell her what was told to us. As prior news was told to them and why not
to me?
This
was such bad timing what happened as what they did under the circumstances.
Yes! I agree they also have their way of dealing with the situation differently
than I did. However this did not give them the right to judge me in any way...
I
did not even take any food and got up and left to go sit with Karin and be with
her...
Karin
eventually was discharged from hospital as her condition improved so much that
she could go home.
In
this period Karin became very dependent on oxygen and did I arrange with the
medical aid as to get her an oxygen machine at home and was she on this 24/7
As
well as extra portable cylinders as when she was strong and we could go to
church or move around with restricted movement as she was short breathed and
every movement was difficult.
Karin
again landed up in hospital with her lungs after Christmas and spent 2012 –
2013 in hospital. And was so blessed as my parents in law was with us. I
arranged that evening with the night staff of the ward that we could come at
23:00 as to spend the old and new with Karin and brought them also some cold
drinks and chips as to share with the staff.
I
remember the moment I had alone with Karin that I prayed and said to the Lord
that we do not know what to expect in 2013 and that I want to say thank you
that 2012 was not an easy year behind us. What ever will come our way for Karin
and myself, that we will handle it together in 2013 with passion and LOVE...
And that God would grant us the grace and dignity to accept whatever the new
year might bring for us.
Karin
was discharged a few days later. And did 2013 await for us to the unknown and
we would walk hand in hand. Side by side in loving one another no matter what
will come our way.
The
1st week in January 2013 Karin’s hair started to fall out again as
to a chemo that was stopped being used five years ago due to new chemo on the
market. I remember that day so well as
she called me as she sat outside with the hair clippers and said to me: Mulder
shave my head please?
This
chemo was a blue, orange and colorless and as we read up on this they said
that her hair would fall out again and if she would cry that her tears would be
blue...
However
they stopped this chemo as it was to strong for Karin and for the so many a
time broke down her white blood cells and making infection so a big risk
factor.
She
landed up in hospital frequently and every 3 weeks as she would then get a
blood transfusion and platelets.
I
remember the doctor giving instruction as for the staff not to clean Karin’s
wound as I was so confident in how I did this. The doctors and staff and other
doctors the one day wanted to be present when I cleaned Karin’s wounds. And as
to their disbelief could not believe the way I cleaned the wound and had a swab
done as to see for any infections. And the results were so clean that they said
they never saw a wound so clean.
Late
January they started with a previous chemo as to to what she responded to the
best.
And
was her immune system already so weak as she also lost such a lot of weight as a
result of not eating and the constant coughing. And as to the severe cough she
would get so nausea that she would vomit. And the "fhlem" was so bad and it
really did hurt me as to see how she was suffering and sometimes would excuse
myself and go cry outside...
This
was so difficult to see and experience and did it hurt me so much as to see
this...
My
hear was broken in millions of tiny pieces as for my wife that had to suffer so
much...
I
constantly said to her that I would do and give anything as to take the pain
away...
February
2013 she was admitted again with low blood count and liquid on her lungs as the
coughing became worse and the lesser she ate and literally lived on water and
even this would not stay in. They drained the lungs lately not in theater as
Karin refused this as it was so extremely sore for her and the pain unbearable.
They did it with sonar and a needle and would the drain be in for 20 -30
minutes and taken out and no pain whatsoever.
In
March 2013 Karin fell ill again and landed yet again in hospital for the same
procedure and as the open wounds became bigger and Karin always complained with
holding her hand across her chest on the wound. She would say that it hurts and
that it makes an electric sting. And thus being the open wound with the nerves
being exposed.
They
again did drain the lungs and Karin said to me before the procedure that she
was tired and cried so much and could see her eyes and face SCREAMING for
HELP...
15th
March 2013 our medical aid approved the new “Ixempra” chemo that we saw on a
website “H Triple negative breast cancer” and read all there is to know on the
side effects.
This
chemo at 1st was not approved by the medical aid as to the dangerous
levels and not being used in SA. As to when Karin went on it, she was the 3rd
in SA and 1st in Nelspruit that got this chemo.
I
remember the thank you message that I left on the facebook page:
We would like to take this opportunity to thank everyone, personally that was involved in listening to our outcry in HELP for my wife Karin's plea.
Thank you so much for approving the new chemo Ixempra. Trusting that this chemo will be the final answer in declaring war on cancer in my wife.
And that she will regain her full expectancy of life. As this is so precious to us all.
Thank you Bank Med for the past 2years plus, in supporting us in all the trial and tribulations we had to endure in this time. And also learning so much of the disease and of ourselves in the process.
Regards.
Eugéne & Karin Mulder”
27th
March 2013 We started with the new “Ixempra” chemo. 1st of 6
“More almal.
Vanoggend gaan Karin vroeg bloed trek en vir dokter sien.
Nuwe chemo is hier en vertrou ons dat Karin 'n volkome omdraai gaan he vir Godelike Genesing in Jesus Naam.
Bid saam ons vandag en staan vas op God se Woord.”
Vanoggend gaan Karin vroeg bloed trek en vir dokter sien.
Nuwe chemo is hier en vertrou ons dat Karin 'n volkome omdraai gaan he vir Godelike Genesing in Jesus Naam.
Bid saam ons vandag en staan vas op God se Woord.”
I
took photos before we started with the new chemo and as to see how the
improvement would be on the wounds.
Three
days later I took photos again. And the most wonderful turnaround in difference
how well the chemo responded on the wounds.
Karin
felt so good and had energy again and she was so full of life enjoying this
turnaround.
She
felt so good that she wanted to go visit her family on the farm and did I take
her thru and did she spend time there for about a week. While I was home
working.
17th
April 2013 it was time for the 2nd chemo.
“More almal.
Wens julle n Geseende dag toe in die Liefde van Jesus.
Karin gaan weer vanoggend in vir bloed toetse en sal dan daarna weer die nuwe chemo "Ixempra" kry. Die is dan week 3 en die 2de chemo.
Ons is so verheug om aan Vader God al ...die lof en eer te eer te bring vir Karin se beterskap.
Bid saam dat die chemo weer sal goed werk en dat sy nie teen die naweek enige skelet pyne sal ondervind nie. Dankie Here vir Karin se beterskap en Godelike Genesing. Waarmee U besig is in Jesus Naam.”
Wens julle n Geseende dag toe in die Liefde van Jesus.
Karin gaan weer vanoggend in vir bloed toetse en sal dan daarna weer die nuwe chemo "Ixempra" kry. Die is dan week 3 en die 2de chemo.
Ons is so verheug om aan Vader God al ...die lof en eer te eer te bring vir Karin se beterskap.
Bid saam dat die chemo weer sal goed werk en dat sy nie teen die naweek enige skelet pyne sal ondervind nie. Dankie Here vir Karin se beterskap en Godelike Genesing. Waarmee U besig is in Jesus Naam.”
In
this time of 3weeks prior to the 2nd chemo Karin complained about
extreme pain in her skeleton ie. bone
structure. She was basically permanent on morphine 3 times a day and additional
pain killers as she would sit and cry and would I cry with her and pray thru
our tears...
Yet
again I took photos of the wounds and took it to the doctor as to show her our excitement
on how the wounds were improving so much and we were so Blessed and praised God
for this most awesome turnaround and we could see Karin getting better by the
day...
Upon
seeing the doctor we were informed that the chemo did not arrive in time as
scheduled and had to go back the following day.
18th April 2013 chemo 2 of 6.
“Karin is by
die Onkologie by Medi Clinic in Nelspruit en besig om haar Ixempra chemo te
kry.
Dankie Jesus dat ons Karin aan U kan opdra en dat die chemo gemeng is met U kosbare Genesings bloed. Dankie dat Karin in U hande is en U besig is met 'n Godelike wonderwerk in haar liggaam en lewe. Dankie Here vir U beskerming vir haar teen die been / skelet, seer wat sy die vorige keer gehad het en dat dit die keer net beter sal gaan.
Aan U alle eer, lof en aanbidding.”
Dankie Jesus dat ons Karin aan U kan opdra en dat die chemo gemeng is met U kosbare Genesings bloed. Dankie dat Karin in U hande is en U besig is met 'n Godelike wonderwerk in haar liggaam en lewe. Dankie Here vir U beskerming vir haar teen die been / skelet, seer wat sy die vorige keer gehad het en dat dit die keer net beter sal gaan.
Aan U alle eer, lof en aanbidding.”
30th
April 2013 was for Karin one of the most difficult days she has ever
experienced in her working career with Standard Bank. She was medically boarded
by the bank after 23 years of service with them. After being on temporal ill
recovery for a year since April 2012
That
evening we spent time together as usual and she told me how she experienced her
career and the people she met as colleges and customers.
She
was so heartbroken and cried as to of spent so much time and effort with her
customers an was always a thrill as to of met them in mall’s and as they would
appreciate her loyalty to her employer and customers.
Karin
went to go visit her family on the farm for about 10 days and came back on 6th
May 2013 as she was to get her 3rd chemo on the 9th of
May.
In
this time I worked during day time and in the evenings when I was alone. I
cried my evenings as how much I missed her and as the thought came to me that
what I would experience when she would possibly be no longer there?
I
cannot explain as what I experienced in this nearly 2 weeks that I was alone. I
so wished for all those times we had a fight about something or a difference
about opinion on a topic or just a quarrel that we did not agree upon. That we
would of rather settled the issue and made our piece and just went on with our
lives with being together and loving one another as we loved...
If
there is one thing that I would like to leave with couples out there. Be
involved with each other in every aspect of your life, love and intimate life
style. Settle your differences before the sun sets as God’s word teaches us...
And be happy. Be in LOVE and LOVE one another with no conditions...
9th
May 2013 chemo 3 of 6
“Karin kry vandag
weer chemo en wel No3 van 6.
Ons verklaar in die Naam van Vader God dat vandag 'n DAG van Genesing is en dat die chemo reeds deur U aangeraak is en U die struktuur daarvan verander het tot Godelike Genesing in Jesus Naam!”
Ons verklaar in die Naam van Vader God dat vandag 'n DAG van Genesing is en dat die chemo reeds deur U aangeraak is en U die struktuur daarvan verander het tot Godelike Genesing in Jesus Naam!”
Karin’s
message on facebook:
“Dr was baie
tevrede met toetse se uitslae en kanker telling ook af 161 na 121. Die long
telling egter weer op, maar darem nie agv vog volgens die plate, so dis die
weer!! Geen newe effekte sover en hoes baie minder! Prys die Heer vir al die
goeie uitslae en hoe ek voel!!! Baie koud hier in Nelspruit.”
The
skeleton or bone pain was not so bad as the 1st time and the 2nd
time around and was even much less. With the 3rd chemo there was no
pain at all. And we rejoiced as we praised God for taking Karin’s pain away. We
constantly prayed and believe that God was working His miracle in Karin.
14th
May 2013 I did add photos to facebook that was taken on the 11th
with Mothers day and herewith the message I did put up with a specific photo of
Karin where she had the most beautiful smile.
“Hi Almal.
Dit gaan goed met Karin, sy sukkel net biekie met die hoes maar is darem baie beter.
Sy het baie seer op die wond en dink dis die chemo wat sy werk doen vanaf dag 3-5 wat dit maar nie lekker maak vir haar nie.
Sy het laasnag weer goed geslaap alhoewel sy kort kort wakker was met die hoes.
Glo dat sy vandag 'n goeie rus dag sal geniet in Koning Jesus se teenwoordigheid.
Like as jy saamstem dat sy soos 'n engelmensie lyk....!”
Dit gaan goed met Karin, sy sukkel net biekie met die hoes maar is darem baie beter.
Sy het baie seer op die wond en dink dis die chemo wat sy werk doen vanaf dag 3-5 wat dit maar nie lekker maak vir haar nie.
Sy het laasnag weer goed geslaap alhoewel sy kort kort wakker was met die hoes.
Glo dat sy vandag 'n goeie rus dag sal geniet in Koning Jesus se teenwoordigheid.
Like as jy saamstem dat sy soos 'n engelmensie lyk....!”
Karin
would be fine as for the 1st three days and usually on day 3-5 she
woul be very tired and sleeping most of the time as she was drinking a “chill
pill” as she would call it and would be so relaxed and drowsy and would sleep a
lot. And it helped her as the coughing was so out of control and could see that
she just could not handle the strain and pain all that went with the suffering.
Thursday
25th April 2013 After I
helped her with her bath routine and cleaning her wound as I did every evening.
While I was cleaning her wound she became so short breathed and pushed me away
and said the oxygen is not working and she is not getting enough air.
She
became so frantic and could see she was really struggling... I started crying
and said to her that I don’t know what to do as I’m doing all I can do as to
make her comfortable and relax and concentrate on her breathing. She jumped up
and opened the window of our bedroom and stood in front of the open window,
holding on to the burglar bar and kept on saying: HELP ME...! Please help me...?
I remember phoning the doctor and explaining to her what is happening. She said
to me to immediately increase the morphine dosage and to give Karin the “chill
pill” I did so and stood behind her and remember holding onto her and praying
so out loud and rebuking the devil in
stealing from Karin and us. And remember as she turned around and held onto me
so tight and said that she was so afraid of smothering... And cried so much and we both just stood there
crying and crying and crying... I picked up the oxygen mask and asked her to
put it back on after I gave her the medication as it started to relax her. And
she started breathing again.
Later
that evening at about 22:00 I was lying at her feet and we were talking about
God and her experience and to tell me how she felt. She was so calm about it
all and then asked me to sit up close to her. I remember as she laid backwards
in a sitting position and her legs curled up against her. I sat forward towards
her and was leaning with my chest against her legs. When she took her hands and
said to me that she loved me so much and want to say how much she appreciated
me for loving her under these difficult circumstances. And asked how I did it?
How I could love her and she looked so bad? I replied without thinking...
Karin, if ever I loved anybody ever in my life. I LOVE you so much... I cannot
explain how much... And I thank God that I can love you. And that you could be
part of my life. As you changed me as a person, you thought me how to love
under all circumstances that was dealt to us as a couple. And if I was given a
chance as to choose again? I would choose you immediately without blinking an
eye. As you were my choice and I made a promise to God that for better or
worse, sickness and in health. I will be there for you. And I will love you
till death do us part. We cried so much as she told me that she knew our time
was short together...
Monday
3rd June 2013
The
evening at about 18:00 I poured Karin some water for her bath as she was so
tired and I literally helped her when she walked around the house as she was so
weak and tired.
I
helped her into the bath as I would almost do that every evening to assist her
not to fall or slip in the bath. That she was comfortable I would let her be
and check in with her every 5 minutes.
This
time round she asked me to sit by her. We discussed our love for one another
and how much I enjoyed doing what I did for her. She really spent time with me in comforting me
in what I have done for her up to the. I remember Karin said to me that she
felt that our time was not much and I remembered how I cried in front of her
while she was still in the bath. We cried eventually so much and just sat there
with our tears and emotions running as we did not have control over the
situation any more. We felt so empty,
alone, discarded, rejected… FEAR FULL of what was to come.
After
finishing her bath and helping her again with the wounds, she really was tired
and could see she could no more handle the state she was in. I left for the
kitchen to make some warm water for her and the wounds. When I got back in the
bedroom, Karin was standing in front of the open window gasping for air. She
shouted to me and said please help me, I cannot breathe . . . . .
I
stood behind her and tried to keep her warm as the air was chilly coming into
the bedroom window and all I could really do is comfort her and talking to het
gently as for her to calm down and try and relax. She eventually became calmer and as I cleaned
her wound the Monday night she kept on telling me she LOVES me so much and will
never be able to repay me in what I have done for her over the past, nearly 3
years. I told her that it was not payable as I did it with all my love and
affection as to help her and to be comfortable.
As to show her how much I really loved her for doing this every day. In
being there for her 24/7 and doing it to the best of my ability.
I
phoned up Dr Retief and told her that Karin again had a panic attack and could
not breathe.
She
asked me to bring Karin to the hospital the following day.
Tuesday
4th June 2013
I
remember I mentioned to Karin that she did not have smaller pajamas for hospital
and suggested I go buy her some at the mall. I made Karin comfortable and went
to Woolworths and bought her size small pajamas and slippers and a gown. I also
went to Milady’s to pay her account.
As
on my return she was ready for leaving to the hospital. I prepared the oxygen and suitcase and
medication. I remembered her standing in the door way of our house and saying
to our husky – kain that she will back soon and that he must look well after
Eugéne and the house and eat all his food and she loved him so much. I stood
with so much admiration looking and listening to her as she was so short
breathed and with a soft voice spoke. I remember we called her parents to come
down to Nelspruit.
That
evening in hospital I remembered I remembered Karin told me that she was unsure
of our request to be cremated, and wanted to be buried. I answered her that as soon as she would be
better again and at home that we would discuss this and make a final decision.
Karin’s
parents and brother arrived that evening at the hospital. Family also arrived
as to come visit Karin. This time she was in hospital was destructive as she
was so skinny and had lost such a lot of weight. As she laid on the bed with
the oxygen on her and sleeping most of the time and being kept under
medication. The doctor told us that there were not much that she could do any
longer for Karin as they are keeping her sedated and comfortable as possible.
She
made time talking to those who came visit and could see she was tired.
I
phoned her co workers at Standard bank as to visit as we were unsure of Karin’s
condition of improvement.
She
spent the following days in hospital and just took it day by day
Friday
7th June 2013
That
evening most of Karin’s family had arrived and I remember she again had a panic
attack and could not breath and she fought with us as we tried to keep her in
bed and comfortable. At one stage she wanted to climb out of the bedroom window
as to get air as she was really struggling to breathe. I managed to calm Karin down as they tried
putting her in a chair and she did not want this and eventually was back in bed
and I stood by her side, holding her and speaking to her about being in the
Kruger Park, as this was her favorite place to be.
Our
church pastor and his wife and 2 couples and 3 ladies that always helped Karin
of our prayer group was with us the whole time in this week and they were such
a Blessing as I did not have close family and they supported me so much in
these days.
Saturday
8th June 2013
When
I woke up the morning I remembered praying and asking God to prepare us for
this day as we were uncertain of what was awaiting us.
I
remember during the day when I asked her mother to help Karin take out her contact
lenses and as she sat up straight. I sat with her on the bed and held her. I
kissed her and said to her that I LOVE HER SO MUCH and remember how I cried and
wanted to be strong for her. She whispered in my ear, EK IS LIEF VIR JOU MULDER…! As
she struggled to talk as she had sores in her mouth that developed so quickly.
The
whole day we spent at the hospital and sad to say, that evening at 22:50 Karin
passed away.
I
remember holding her hand and as she died and broke down. (I could not remember
much as this was so traumatic for me)
To be continued...